i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
