Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
