I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
