It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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