I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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