i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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