two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
