I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
