do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
