Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
