No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
