Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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