Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i believe in u and ur pee
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