____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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