I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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