Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
