I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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