Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
