you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
