she woke up with a sticky ear
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
