then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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