I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
