I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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