I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
