They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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