Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
