We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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