then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
