I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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