Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Randomize
