Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
