Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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