Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
