ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
