everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
