Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
