I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
