"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
