I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
