My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
