WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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