Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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