I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
