When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
