omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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