I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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