I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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