This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Your dad touched me again.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
