You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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