I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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