so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
