Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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