we're chasing vodka with high fives
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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